“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

This quote by Vicki Harrison illustrates the unpredictable nature of grief. In particular, the holiday season can be a time of not only joy but also grief as most holidays focus on connecting with family through quality time and traditions. Nevertheless, there are a multitude of types of grief, and the holidays in particular can highlight these life changes.

Types of Grief

While grief is a universal experience, it also manifests in a variety of ways. It’s not only the death of a loved one but can also be loss of other kinds such as a job change, identity shift, relationship ending, or housing insecurity. In addition, grief can be anticipatory, disenfranchised, cumulative, or traumatic. Anticipatory grief is the expectation of loss before it happens. For example, when someone receives a health diagnosis, they may be anticipating the loss of independence that may occur as the diagnosis progresses. Disenfranchised grief is a type of loss that is not recognized by others, which can make the grief experience even more isolating and difficult. For example, grief associated with a loved one who is convicted of a crime and imprisoned may not be publicly acknowledged due to social stigma, making the grief cycle and stages more complicated. Lastly, traumatic grief can be the result of loss that is sudden, unexpected, or even associated with traumatic situations like violence.

Grief versus Grieving

While grief is an emotional state that we carry with us forever, the grieving process changes over time. The grief cycle and stages model developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross describes grieving individuals as experiencing denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; nevertheless, not everyone experiences each stage in that order or even each stage at all. Denial is characterized by rejecting or repressing the reality of the loss and any emotions associated with it. Anger might look like feeling frustrated when the loss starts to sink in and can no longer be denied. Bargaining is the griever’s attempt at trying to make a compromise to lessen the pain and hurt brought on by the loss. When someone is deep in the throes of sadness due to the grief, they may be experiencing the Depression stage and withdraw from others or previously enjoyed activities. Lastly, the grief cycle concludes with Acceptance, where one is able to acknowledge the loss and reflect. However, even if someone has come to a place of acceptance in their grieving process, their grief may still arise throughout life such as during significant events when the loss is more prominent. Prolonged grief impacts approximately ten percent of individuals who experience loss and is characterized by intense, disabling feelings of grief that impact social, physical, and mental wellbeing and functioning, interferes with daily life, and doesn’t heal on its own.

How to Move Through Grief

Regardless of the type of grief or associated symptoms, there are pathways towards healing and moving through grief. There is no timeline for grief; however, connection is key. Engage in both self-care and community care, cultivate a sustainable routine for support, and reach out to others who are able to provide a safe space for processing and expressing. Grief support groups can be helpful for feeling less alone in grief, and a mental health professional can provide tools that encourage not only making space for loss in a healthy way but also moving through grief to ensure that you are still able to live life according to your values and engage with what matters most in the present. For those navigating grief during the holiday season, identify your needs and how to honor lost loved ones or nostalgic memories, build new traditions, and find new ways to connect with yourself, others, and the world around you.